Here we go...

So, I didn't sleep a wink last night. Too much on my mind but too many drugs too I think. This morning I've been taken off everything but my high blood pressure meds (not even sure why I'm still on them) and Losec is for my GI tract so I don't get a tummy acid bug thing! No more prednizone! Stupid steroids....the other thing I need to take even when I get home is the skunky gross cyclosporene. Anyway, so glad to be off the drugs...take care and I'll keep you posted on my blood counts. Everything is practically at zero today so we'll see, I think I'll probably need platelets so let's hope I don't react like I did on Friday, yuck!!

Love, Vic

I'm done, I did it, I'm DONE!

So, I'm unhooked and no more ATG! I did it, I did it, I did it.....:)

It was another emotional day, I guess my subconscious is now saying, "so, you are done, now what?". Now is when we wait for my system to recharge which is terrifying of course! Today I was thinking about my brother and mom a lot. I kept thinking how guilty Jeff might feel if he is not a match, which of course chances are VERY high that he is not. Then I was feeling guilty if was! Ha!

I'm using this as a place to blog to you all but also as my journal. I slept a lot during my session today and had very vivid dreams. My mom when she first died used to come to me a lot in my dreams, then less and less and the last time she came was when I was prego with Jorja to tell me I was going to have a girl and on May 9th (creepily right!). I've always wondered why through all this she never came but today she did; she came in my dream when I got a nosebleed gusher to help me stop it. We were in a hospital for me, as soon as my nose started bleeding I called her and she came to help. Then we watched some nurse doing something funny with a patient in the next window?! I don't even know if my nose stopped because I woke up and then sat straight up about 10 minutes later and realized, "hey, mom came!!!!!!". I"m one happy girl and is absolutely bursting with this faith that needs to be channelled! Poor Scott when I get home! Ha! Love and yay, the grossness is done!! Vic

Treatment 4 just finishing up

Well, treatment 4 has about 20 minutes left and so far so good. My heart seems well but we'll see later so hopefully tomorrow I won't blood so we can start earlier tomorrow. It would be nice to be done earlier than 9 at night but whatev, it's the last one EVER!!!

The only thing different was this time about half way through I became extremely emotional about Rowen and texted Scott while the wedding dinner was on to call his sister Patti who is having a sleep over with Rowen at the lake, to make sure all was well. Of course it was but I felt physically fine, just mentally strapped down so to speak....strange hey?! So, he was in bed for the night, Scott told me to basically smarten up and I went back to my " internal special treatment place"! :) Hopefully I'll be writing the same sort of blog tomorrow and then just gear up to deal with have no immunity and all the crap that comes with that....considering I've dealt with all of it almost already, I'm in a good headspace for it! Love, Vic

treatment today

My beautiful big girl got the special treatment today as flowergirl!! More pix in dress to come!

I love you Jorjie girl!!

just gearing up for treatment by getting two bags of blood cause my hmg is done to 7.7 today...remember on the 30th when it was 12.8?! Ha! Anyway, my body is so not happy with me; I got a blood bug which we're getting out with antibiotics etc. but when I went to get my platelets last night I had a huge reaction to Benadryll...wth?! No one has hives from Benadryll, it fixes hives for God's sake?! ANyway , dr. wong says he really thinks it was the other crap and a one off thing so we are going to try it out today as part of my regular premeds before ATG. Let's hope things go internally well enough to do the last one tomorrow so I can physically and mentally move on....on one happy note my cousin Jana made me homemade Gramma O buns so I stuff them in when feeling sad...ha!!!!!! AND my lovely auntie Kim, kel, ame, marc, larissa and lovely Nathan sent THE FREAKING BEST chocolate package!!!!! Anyone who knows me knows how much I love the Bear Claws in Banff at the Choc. shop and there was four in there! Thanks sooo much guys! I had to actually give the nurses a bunch too because of treatments, they will be all I see for a few days and now I'll be gettin' the best service! Ha!

Jorja is just about to go on this second for her flowergirl debut. As I weep...alas....Gramma Carla and auntie Collette took her to get her hair done and of course daddy sent me some...enjoy, isn't she cute! Will add more of her in her dress later!

Peace out and wish me luck today! Love Vic

no treatment today, but tomorrow now...

....which I'm actually ok with. My Dr. Wong was in today and because I spiked a major fever yesterday and have some sort of bug in my blood, he wants to do another whole day of antibiotics today. I told him I was fine with that if he was. The other Dr. said he was ok either way but I really like Dr. Wong and he promised me tomorrow and it's for the best...which I know it is and I had 4 girlfriends in the room when he was here and they all agreed he was right, they just want to make sure that anything that happens tomorrow is because of the drug again, not some bug I have still...fine, fine...:) I was so happy that Deb, Jo, Karen and Shauna were here to meet Dr. Wong. He chatted for quite a while and then said in front of us all how, "pleasantly surprised and happy" he was with how my blood numbers were doing! We all agreed he would not have said that if he didn't mean it and Dr. Daly mentioned something the other day too that he liked those signs too...yay! Anyway, the 2 treatments will kick everything back down b/c that is what it's supposed to do. The fever put me back another day but to be done potentially by Monday, is soooo awesome. Hearing my hematologist say he was pleasantly impressed with reaction so far is bigger than anything so far....yay!! I'm getting platelets tonight so I will be out of it b/c of the Benadryll so Ill try to keep you all updated! Love, Me

The last supper; so to speak

well, we seem to be on for tomorrow. Had quite a day today, spiked a fever and chills this am so was sent for a CT scan, which was hot dye running through me. They said it will feel like I peed my pants but not to worry, I won't. Well, I was pretty sure I did pee but they were right! Anyway, so then I got to get bags of new antibiotics, magnesium and am currently trying to psyche myself to swallow this fizzy phosphate drink. I guess I was super low on magnesium and phosphates so why not put me on the drip for 4 hours?! Ha! Deb and Jo were here all day so I was so thankful. It was GREAT to see them and they dropped off so many care packs from people! Really people!! :) Jo gave me a foot rub and Deb was super interested in all my nurse crap...she even told me to tell them to speed up the drip as it would take even longer. Yah Downtown!! :)

I still think that it was a sinus infection because my nose and sinus are so swollen and deformed from all the packing....but every darn test that could be done, was. I know, should be grateful but hospitals are driving me nuts! I hate not being in control...imagine?!

Anyway, start your prayers, vibes, good heart and liver vibes as we are on track to have the 4th treatment tomorrow and if everything goes ok, Saturday too...then done!!!!!!! Don't get freaked out if I'm not updating all the time. If I feel like crap, this is the last thing I want to be doing but when I feel better, I will update first thing! Peace out people!!!!! Vic

Two great days in a row...

My beautiful baby boy today...he really does have hair!! xo Love you RW!!

Hello all,

I've had two great days, no treatments or anything and I slept last night. It's been since I got my nose packed on Friday that I haven't slept...I saw both kids and Scott the past two days, showered, and eaten more than I have since I came in. The dietician came up to see me today and gave me the "secret" menu. About FREAKING TIME! Can you believe they just don't offer long term patients that automatically?! My God, anyway, I can now get spinach salads, Mckay's freaking ice cream, chef salad, real roast beef, omelets....my God, the list is way better! As a treat I'm getting chicken fingers tomorrow...ha!

Dr. Daly today said that he was very impressed with my liver enzymes, they are doing EXCELLENT he said and feels Friday is go day if things keep going well! So, I'm just trying to rest, shower, eat and visit with everyone before things happen then. He told me straight up that my levels will tank again but I told him I was mentally prepared for that to happen again. I just hope my heart and liver will take the two last treatments. I can deal with everything else after...today my numbers are lower than yesterday already but they actually are still pretty good...The Gallaughers and Benny stopped by today, the kids were here around lunch and of course good ol' Karen was here before she flew off...she works for WestJet. She is generously staying at our house this weekend to take care of Jett while Scott and the kids are away. She had a flood in her condo so I think it works out for all of us! :)

I'll be in touch! Love and prayers, Vic